You made me cry and you don't even care
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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