1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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