I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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