Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
