were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
