I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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