i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
