I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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