ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
