last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
