Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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