I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
