Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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