so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
