my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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