Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
