He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
