Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize