At least make sure they are 18
Why
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
