Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
