Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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