I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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