I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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