Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
