watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
