so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Randomize
