Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
