It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
