My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
