I think I just saw someone hide a body.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
