i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
