It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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