I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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