If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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