I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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