im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
