So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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