I wish my penis had an off switch
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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