Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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