you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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