I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We left the knife in your bed.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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