just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
