I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
