Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
