Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So drunk its hurt
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
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you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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