Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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