friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
