My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
