Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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