Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I need a burrito and a hug.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
