bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I look excited, but its just a facade.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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