Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
