she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
