i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
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when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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