How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
