Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
