well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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