guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
