Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Randomize
