I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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