I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
